


You Bought my Home

by ah97nu



Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Alastor is sweet, Trigger Warnings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-12
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:35:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21765415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ah97nu/pseuds/ah97nu
Summary: You're just a criminal psychologist major that moved into your favorite serial killers old home. You expected to find things there, but never what you did.Slow build.
Relationships: Alastor (Hazbin Hotel)/Reader
Comments: 54
Kudos: 431





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all! So I haven't posted something in a REALLY long time. Years in fact. Usually I write Hobbit/LotR stuff, but I've recently gotten really into Hazbin Hotel. This idea sparked after reading a very lovely fanfic. I hope you guys enjoy!
> 
> I own nothing!

Y/N- your name  
Y/H- your height  
_____________________________________

"So Miss (y/n) are you quite sure you want to buy this house?" Gabe, your realtor, asked with more than a hint of concern in his voice. "You are aware of the previous owner?"

"Alastor, the Radio Killer." You responded as you looked around the kitchen. You turned to face him and smiled. "I'm very aware of it all. And I already own it. You're here to give me my keys."

Gabe gave you a look of confusion then gulped. "If you don't mind my asking, why?"

You chuckled and gave him a wide smile. "He's the reason why I want to be a criminal psychologist."

Gabe again gave you a confused look. 

"I did a report on him in high school and became very fascinated with him and serial killers. So naturally when I found out his house was for sale I thought what better place to study than a serial killer's home?" You explained like it made perfect sense. 

Gabe just nodded his head, he figured you were crazy, but he was just glad this house was off the market. He walked over and gladly handed you the keys. He patted your shoulder, congratulated you and left. 

You took a deep breath in and looked around your kitchen again. You smiled again and walked through the kitchen. You'd only been in the house once before, just looking at it. You peeked through the doorway to the living room and smiled. It wasn't very big, but that worked for you. You then walked through the doorway that lead into the hall to the bedrooms. You slowly walked down the hallway humming a tune. You stopped in front of the master bedroom and felt your breath leave your body. A cold shiver went down your back. You were both excited and terrified about opening the door. Alastor was one of the most famous serial killers that lived, and you now owned his house. You were a little uneasy about it though, especially when the payments went through. You were receiving a lot of fan mail from his followers. It was a mixture between how dare YOU be the one to own it and questions about coming to see it. You thought about getting a dog, but quickly shook that off. The irony wasn't really funny to you. 

You sighed and looked down. You weren't sure when you had grabbed the handle, but you felt a rush of adrenaline run through your veins and you quickly turned the doorknob and opened the door. It whooshed open with a loud creak. You held your breath as you entered the room and looked around it. There was a bed to the far side against the wall, a dresser across from it. You were confused at the desk with a mirror, but didn't question it. You walked towards the bathroom door and creaked it open. There was a sink, tub and toilet. You sighed and leaned against the doorframe. After a few minutes you pushed yourself up and walked out of the room. You needed to start bringing your things in. 

You walked to your car and unlocked it. You started to slowly move all your things into the small house. One trip back to the car you looked around at the woods. If you were very quiet you could hear the small stream buried deep in the woods behind the house. You bit your lip and started thinking about getting a dog again, regardless of how Alastor died this was creepy. 

Once it started to get dark you locked your car and the front door. You started to slowly unpack the boxes brought in. You found the one with all your pictures and moved it to the hallway. You began to hang the photos but paused once you looked back in the box. The last one was a picture you acquired of Alastor. You bit your lip again, would it be weird hanging it...again? You shook your head and decided it wouldn't be. You took it out of the box and placed it on the last nail you had. You smiled and walked back into the kitchen to unpack more stuff. 

You began to hear radio static from the living room. It started to get louder and you got up to check it out. The TV was on somehow. You gulped and looked around for the control, and once you found it you turned it off. You walked back into the kitchen and felt a cold shiver run down your back. You shivered and looked around. Okay, you are looking up dogs as soon as you find your computer. 

After several more boxes you finally found your computer. As you set it up it hit you you didn't have internet yet. You smacked your forehead and went to settings and connected the computer to your phone. You then began to look up places you could adopt dogs at. After an hour you yawned and closed the screen, it was time for bed. 

You scratched your head and grabbed some clothes from a box then walked to your bedroom. You found a few dogs you liked so you figured you'd go look at them the next day. You yawned again as you opened the door and walked into your bedroom. You paused a moment as you realized the door was closed. Strange. You could've sworn you left it open? You shrugged and brushed it off. This was an old house after all. 

You slowly changed into your baggy t-shirt and crawled into the bed. Before you drifted off to sleep you plugged your phone in. As you rolled over and got settled into your bed you smiled. 

You woke hours later suddenly to what sounded like a woosh and then a door closing. You quickly grabbed your phone and saw the time was 3:30 am. You shrugged and fell back into the bed and quickly fell asleep. 

You woke up suddenly once again to the smell of...coffee? You scratched your head and slowly rose from your bed and walked across the room to your door. Once opened the smell of coffee was stronger. You gulped lightly and looked around for a weapon. You saw your baseball bat laying in the middle of the hallway, without questioning it you picked it up and slowly walked to the kitchen. You held your breath in fear. Who could be in the house? You gulped, what if it was a crazed fan? Only one way to find out. 

Once at the doorway you held your breath and looked around the corner. You raised your eyebrow as you saw nothing in the kitchen. You noticed your computer was open, but could care less. You walked farther into the kitchen and looked around. When you saw a coffee cup on the table near your computer you gulped and quickly turned to run and grab your phone. 

But you couldn't. As you turned to run you ran slam into something and fell to the floor on your butt. When you looked up you saw dark red pants. You slowly raised your head and felt your breath leave your body all together. 

Standing in your kitchen was a very tall skinny man. He was dressed in what looked like an old timey red suit and a cane with a strange looking top. He had intense red eyes and a monocle over one. He was smiling at you, with big yellow teeth. 

"Well hello there deary." He said in a loud almost cheery voice. "What ever is a lovely lady such as yourself doing on the floor?"

You could've sworn you felt your heart stop. You quickly looked around for your bat. When you couldn't find it you looked back up and felt a lump in your throat. The strange man was holding it. 

"Tell me, sweetheart, what was your plan? To beat me to death?" The man said with a laugh. 

You started panting in fear and felt tears run down your face. 

"Tell me, on that little strange TV looking box, you were looking up dogs?" He asked walking towards your computer. "Tsk, tsk, tsk. That is unacceptable." 

You blinked a few times. Why did this man sound like an old time radio. You stood and faced the man. You tried to make yourself look bigger than you were, but you only stood at (y/h) and this man looked like he was almost seven feet tall. You gulped as he turned around and looked at you. 

"Deary if you wanted to be intimidating I'd suggest having more than just a skimpy shirt on." The man smiled down at you and tilted his head. "Now, how did you get into my home?"

His WHAT? You studied his face for a moment. He seemed eerily familiar, but you didn't know why. 

"This is my house. I bought it." You said with as much courage as you could. 

The man stared at you, still with a smile, before laughing. He wrapped one arm around his stomach and put his other hand on his head. 

"My dear, you bought MY house." He said with a huge smile. 

You squinted your eyes. Who was this man? 

"The last person to own this home was Alastor, the Radio Killer."

The man chuckled again and stepped towards you. "Well there's a name I haven't heard in awhile," He tilted his head to the side and smiled an evil smile. "They call me the Radio Demon now."

You gulped and backed into a wall. "Wh-who are you?"

The man's smile somehow grew wider and he stepped closer to you, trapping you against the wall. 

"Alastor, the Radio Demon." He leaned down so he was face-to-face with you. "And it appears you've bought my home."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alastor and you have an interesting talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so here's just a quick update. I sorta had this mostly done when I posted the first chapter. I just wanted to try and work to make it better. 
> 
> Sorry for and spelling/grammar mistakes. I try to catch them all, but some always slip through. 
> 
> A shout out to the lovely KrazyKaitie for the wonderful advice. I hope I was able to add that in a little better in this one!
> 
> Hope you all enjoy! I promise to move it along, more, after this chapter!

HT- hometown

Chapter 2

"Sweetheart?" Alastor asked standing over your body. "Are you dead?" He smirked at the thought. 

He used his cane and poked you in the side. When you didn't move he assumed you were dead. He smiled and turned towards the counter and strolled over to it. He opened a drawer and laughed when he saw knives still in there. He hummed as he picked one up and turned back towards you. 

Well, if you were dead he should make it look like suicide. He hummed as he crouched down and rolled you onto your back. He studied you for a moment. He had to admit for a human you were rather, what was the word? PRETTY! He laughed to himself. He raised the knife above his head and stared to bring it down but stopped suddenly when he heard you gasp. He looked up at your face and gave you a twisted confused smile. 

Your eyes were wide open and your mouth was even wider. His smile went from one of confusion to, what you thought might be anger.

"Oh, so you're alive?" Alastor asked with a chuckle. 

"WERE YOU GONNA STAB ME AND MAKE IT LOOK LIKE A SUICIDE?" You screamed sitting up and backing away. 

His smile grew into a small smirk. "Maybe." He bluntly said as he stood back up. "But seeing how you're alive I won't be doing that."

You squinted your eyes at him. You've studied him your entire life, you knew more than anyone about him, yet you were confused. In all of his murders he never once made it look like a suicide. So why was he now?

"How are...how are you here?" You asked slowly standing. If this really was Alastor then you knew you could distract him by talking. 

He tilted his head and smiled. "Oh sweetheart, don't tell me you don't believe me!" He put his hand to his chest and pretended to be hurt. 

You glared at him. 

He sighed, still wearing a smile, and looked down at you. "I live in Hell darling, but I'm one of the most powerful beings there. Naturally after so many years away from my home I missed it. So I opened a portal in my mirror so I could escape and come here." 

You stared unblinking at him. Okay, this guy was just some creep fan. Though you couldn't explain the radio sound of his voice. You nodded your head like you understood, and believed him. 

"Right, of course." You said as unsarcastically as you could. "I'm just going to go change."

You turned quickly and gasped as he was in front of you. He leaned down and smiled. "You weren't thinking of rushing to your telephone to call the coppers now were you?" 

You gulped. How did he move that fast? You began to back up again. What was going on? Was he telling the truth? Was he really Alastor? But how? 

"You seem confused darling!" Alastor exclaimed. "What are your questions?"

You felt lightheaded again, though this time you held it together. If you passed out again you figured he'd kill you this time. You watched as he moved around you to sit in a chair at the table. He slid the knife across it, as to show he meant no harm. He smiled at you again, and you frowned. Little did you know that was a mistake.

"Now darling don't go and make yourself naked!"

You could feel your eyebrows knit together in confusion at his comment. 

"Smile, my dear! You know, you're never fully dressed without one!" He said with a toothy grin.

You just accepted at this point whoever he was, he was going to kill you. You sighed and walked towards the chair next to him. At least you could ask whoever he was some questions. As you plopped in the chair next to him you noticed him tilt his head. You slowly looked over at him and felt a chill run down your spine. He had his face in his hands and his elbows on the table. He was staring intently at you with an eerie smile. 

"You don't believe me, do you?" He asked, his smile turning to a mischievous grin. 

"Do you know how many creepy fan letters I have from Alastor's fans since I bought this house?" You asked annoyed. 

"Fans?" Alastor asked amused. 

"Yes, fans. I have hundreds at this point!" You exclaimed. "So why would I believe you? Why would I think you're anything other than some creepy fan that broke in?"

Alastor's grin went from amusement to something evil and dark. He slowly began to rise out of his chair and tower over you. His red eyes turned darker and the horns on his head, you just noticed, grew. His smile widened to a creepy length and looked murderous. The air suddenly filled with static and became much colder. You started to panic as he lifted his arms and everything became dark and like it was skipping. Strange symbols appeared around him and you felt tears run down your face. You shut your eyes and waited for whatever this thing was going to do. 

After a few minutes, and a rise in temperature and lack of static, you opened your eyes and saw him sitting in the chair again drinking, what you assumed was, coffee. He looked up at you and smiled. 

"What...what are you?" You asked feeling tears fall down your face. 

Alastor's smile dropped to a small grin. He looked almost like he was sorry. "I am Alastor my dear. Former Radio Killer and owner of this fine home." He began to explain softly. "I was killed by some dogs and when I woke up I was in Hell." He sat back in the chair and gave you a small, kind smile. "I toppled overlords and became one of the most powerful demons Hell has ever seen."

You stared at him for a moment. Your head started to throb and you were so confused. You felt more tears well in your eyes, but quickly wiped them away. It sounded so fake, but what he did couldn't of been fake. You looked up at him and felt the lump return to your throat. He was watching you with squinted eyes. He had the cup to his lips and you could barely make out the small smile. 

You had no idea what was going on, but you couldn't help but believe him. You were the most educated person on him. That sounded odd to you now that he was at your, his, the table. Was this even your house anymore?

You sighed and laid your head on the table. Maybe you should've just stayed in (HT). You started to regret ever moving to New Orleans. When you raised your head you noticed he was still staring at you. 

"What?" You asked, not even trying to hide your annoyance. 

"Darling I don't think I caught your name?"

You rolled your eyes and mumbled your name. 

"Ah, (Y/N), what a beautiful name for such a beautiful woman." Alastor said with a sweet looking smile. 

You rolled your eyes. You were very much aware of what a charmer and smooth talker he was when he was alive. Must have passed on with him. His tricks would not work on you. 

"Why are you here?" You asked looking back at him. 

"I come to get away." He simply said. 

"You can just leave Hell whenever you want?"

"Only overlords and demons selected by Lucifer for a purpose can." Alastor said looking at your computer. "I'm an overlord so I don't need permission."

You followed his line of sight and remembered the comment he made earlier about your laptop. You pushed it towards him and pressed a few buttons. Once it powered up you turned it more towards him. He looked at it curiously before slamming it shut. You stuttered out a 'what the hell?'

"This contraption is utterly ridiculous!" He pushed it back towards you. 

You stared at him confused for a moment before it hit you. Alastor died in 1933. He probably doesn't like anything invented after that. You chuckled lightly. Here was a notorious murderer when alive, and now a demon overlord, acting like a child. You couldn't help but think it was adorable. 

Alastor's smile grew wide when he saw you chuckle. He sipped at his coffee before looking at you again. "How long do you plan on staying miss (y/n)?" 

You blinked at the question. "Well, seeing how I own this house, as long as I wish."

Alastor raised an eyebrow at this. "Why my house?"

You choked at this. You started to fidget with your computer and refused to make eye contact with him. 

"Tell me, does it have anything to do with the picture hanging of me in the hall? Or that box full of things about me?" Alastor asked with a content smile. "I went through your stuff while you were sleeping."

You felt your eyes go wide and your cheeks started to burn with what you assumed was a blush. "Uh well, you see." You tried coming up with something, anything. You coughed and looked down at your hands. "I did a report on you in high school and found you very fascinating. So I started to study you and your life. Apparently so much so that I've made a name for myself. I've been invited to speak about you at conferences because I'm the expert." You looked back up at him but your eyes were looking at the door. "You're the reason I picked criminal psychology as my major."

His eyes widened and so did his smile. "My, my, my. I'm flattered." Alastor said putting his hand where you assumed his heart was. "So you're a school girl then?"

You gulped. Alastor was known for luring college girls to his house and murdering them. "Y-yes. I'm working on my masters."

His smile turned wicked. "How old are you darling?"

"I'm 26." You gulped. His favorite age for both sexes. What you liked to call his highest kill age. 

He chuckled darkly and leaned closer to you. "My favorite age."

You closed your eyes in fear and gulped. When you felt a hand on your chin you opened them and gasped as you were face-to-face with Alastor. You could feel his breath against your face. 

"My dear if I was going to kill you I'd of done so already." He said smoothly. "Now stop acting scared of me! I find you entertaining and therefore you're fine!"

Lovely, you could continue living as long as you entertained him. He let go of your chin and sat back again. He studied your face for a moment before he spoke again. 

"Let's set down some ground rules, since you're staying awhile." Alastor stood suddenly and started to walk behind you. "I shall come and go as I please, and you will not tell anyone about me. Last thing I need is some people coming in here and throwing holy water on my stuff!" Alastor laughed at the thought. "You shall not bring anyone here without talking to me first. So if you have a dating life, well my dear kiss it goodbye!" Alastor stopped and put his hands on the back of your chair. You looked up and saw him staring straight down at you. "And absolutely no dogs whatsoever! Listen to these rules and you can live here peacefully."

Alastor sat back down and started drinking his coffee again. You wondered just how much was left in there. You sighed and nodded. 

"Okay, but I have some as well." You said as bold as you could. "I am a student so I am installing internet here. So I can do my homework and such." Alastor looked annoyed at this, but agreed. "You also will not try to scare, intimidate or kill me."

Alastor smiled at this. "I shall try my best my dear." He chuckled and held out his hand. "Do we have a deal then?"

This was by far the stupidest thing you've ever, and probably ever will, do. You firmly wrapped your hand around his, just noticing his claws right then. He squeezed your hand and shook it. You had no idea what you were getting yourself into, and honestly you kinda didn't care.

"Well (y/n), this looks like the start of a beautiful friendship." 

You sighed and Alastor laughed. This was going to be very interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright so couple things. I kinda know where I'm headed with this and it's not good. Wahahaha! Anyway, I also tried giving the reader a backstory, which I'm probably gonna do that more, but still keep things open to fill in. If that makes sense? Also, since not too much has been said about backstories or like how things work I'm kinda just filling it in, but as we learn more about the actual characters and e everything I'll try to update it as I go. Also, also, if I make them ooc I apologize. I'm trying not to, but with where I'm heading some might end up like that in like a very few cases. 
> 
> However I swear here and now Alastor will always smile, Charlie will always be positive, Vaggie will always have Charlie's back, Angel Dust will always be his pervy little self, Husk will be cranky and Niffty will always be adorable.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No update on the actual story but I figured I'd make a drawing of how I think the house looks. I'm going off this layout whenever I talk about it.

<https://username-taken-already.tumblr.com/post/189654141042/ignore-this-its-just-something-for-a-story>


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alastor reappears to annoy you a little more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I wanted to give you guys an update so I can explain what's going on the next weeks for me and why I probably won't update until next year again. 
> 
> So I leave the 20th for vacation and come back the 28th. However, I'm going to see my siblings (and my ex) so it's going to be really stressful for me. Long story short my sis-n-law is a very manipulative and awful person that (I think) sets out to make my life a literal Hell. She's turned her kids against my brother and my brother against us. So I'm not gonna type anything while I'm there because it'll probably be really bad. I promise when I do post something again it'll be really long to make up for it though!
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, sorry it's kinda short. Also, please don't be scared to critique! I absolutely LOVE your guys comments. They really make my day! Sorry I don't always respond to them, by the way. I feel weird doing that. But know I read all of them and cherish them greatly. :) <3
> 
> As always sorry for any spelling/grammar mistakes! Enjoy!

Chapter 3

Two weeks have passed since the first day you met Alastor and you hadn't seen or heard from him again. You concluded two things; that you were crazy and just dreamt all of it, or that he was Alastor and appeared in your dreams to try and scare you away. Either way, you weren't leaving. It took you three years to get this house, and you'd be damned to be scared away because of some scary dream. 

You knew what you were getting into when you bought the house. You knew you'd keep getting creepy fan mail, possibly some visits, maybe even some hauntings. There was  _ no way _ with what happened in that house there weren't angry spirits around. Actually you knew that as a fact. Many people that have been in the house, allowed or not, had reported seeing ghosts haunting the house or on the edge of the woods. Those that broke in reported seeing an evil figure with pointy teeth. It hit you then that perhaps you weren't crazy and  _ did  _ see Alastor. 

You sighed as you sat at your computer hitting the refresh button over and over. It was June and school started in August, and you hadn't been accepted to any of the places you've applied. You started to wonder if your history was catching up. You sighed again and closed the laptop. 

Your knowledge on Alastor definitely had caught up to you. So much so when the realtors found out who you were they put a hold on you buying the house. They refused to sell it to anyone that had any interest in Alastor, being scared that they would become a copycat killer or who knows what. They only reason you even got the place, finally, was because you proved your interest was purely academic and nothing more. Lucky for you any information they had on you and your interest with Alastor was after high school. You were just happy that your family's history didn't go into play with buying the house. You were actually quite shocked it didn't if you were honest with yourself. 

_ You  _ weren't a bad person, far from it in fact, but your family was bad. Your father beat, belittled and raped your mother and you. When none of those things were happening your mother was busy telling you how everything was your fault and you deserved all of it. 

You frowned and felt tears well in your eyes as all the memories came flooding back to you. It wasn't what they did to you that broke your heart, it was what they did to your younger brothers that broke it. They met their untimely demise at six and four. Your father broke the six year old's neck and your mother smothered the four year old. Their excuse was if you were so useless and weird they didn't want them to turn out that way. You were only fourteen at the time. After that they were arrested and you were sent to live with your grandparents. The only people that have ever been nice to you and supported you. They may not have always understood you, or the things you liked, but they did their best to support you. Especially when you started studying Alastor so much. That worried them immensely, but you did your best to let them know it was pure interest and nothing more. 

You sat crying at your table at the thought of losing not only your brothers but your grandparents as well. They died right after you started the process of buying the house. First your grandmother passed in her sleep then a few weeks later you grandfather followed. The medic that came after you found him dead told you it was probably of a broken heart. It hurt you greatly, but you figured it made moving easier. 

You sniffled a little and wiped your nose with the sleeve of your shirt. When a handkerchief appeared in front of you, you didn't even question it. You grabbed it and wiped your eyes with it, thanking the giver. After a moment you froze and pulled it away from your face and stared at it. In the bottom right corner was a monogram with the letters "ARD." You looked up suddenly and standing directly next to you was Alastor. As always he had a smile on his face and was staring at you like he could see your soul. 

"You!" Is all you could say. 

Alastor blinked a few times before responding. "Tell me darling, why are you crying?"

"You wouldn't understand or care." You mumbled looking away. Was this a dream or reality?

Alastor sat in the chair besides you and stared at you intently. After a few minutes you finally snapped and started ranting. You told him all about your parents, siblings, grandparents, buying the house and college. He nodded as you talked and stayed silent. Once you finished you took a deep breath and waited for a reply. You figured he'd laugh at or insult you, or both. It was a surprise what he did say. 

"My dear with a past like yours it's hard to believe you're interested in me for academics and nothing more." 

You raised an eyebrow at him. Was he being nice to you? Or was this him toying with you? Classic move on his part. Make you think he cares or wants to help you, lures you in and then, BAM, you have a shotgun bullet to the head. 

You squinted at him and glared. You looked forward at the door. How dare he try his tactics on you. YOU, of all people. Many universities, news stations and creepy followers have labeled you as the expert on him. Hell, people that actually studied serial killers themselves called you the expert. Yet here he was, sitting at your (you decided this was your home and you were owning it) table. You were so mad you felt like screaming. 

Alastor was watching you as you went through your emotions. He smirked when your face got darker and you looked ready to attack. He chuckled at the memory of the many people that he killed. Many had that face before, well, before they didn't have a face at all. 

"Darling-"

"Don't you darling me!" You yelled slamming your fists on the table. You stood up suddenly and pointed a finger in his face. "You, you...you murdering psychopath!" You yelled at him. Alastor narrowed his eyes and his smile became one of curiosity as he watched you. "You think you can play your little games with me? Well you can't! There's not a single person on this planet that knows more about you than I do!" You leaned in closer to him so your face was just a few inches from his. "I know every single one of your tricks. I know all about your life and the persona you put on so you could lure people in. I know where you hid every found body and how you killed every victim. I know every inch of this house and where and what you did to every victim in every Goddamn room." You weren't sure when you had leaned closer to him, but it was only then that you noticed your nose was touching his. "There's not a single fucking thing you can say or do to me that I won't see coming. I know it all." 

Alastor had been watching and listening to you with a small smile. Once you were done his smile grew even wider and you stayed where you were. He assumed it was because you either realized what you'd just done and were frozen in fear or because you were trying to be tough. Either way you're little outbreak amused him, so much so he was going to take it easy on you for touching him. After he proved you wrong on knowing his every move.

He moved back slightly and tilted his head. His smile dropped a little and so did his eyelids. You raised an eyebrow and slightly backed away. If you were being honest you were surprised you were still alive. Out of the corner of your eye you saw Alastor slowly moving his hand up toward you. A lump appeared in your throat and you couldn't breath, but you held your gaze and refused to look away. You'd make him remember you and that you weren't scared at the end, even if you were. As you felt his hand wrap around the back of your neck you thought this was it, you were going to die. Alastor pulled your head forward so your noses were touching again. When you saw his smile grow you closed your eyes. Your head jerked forward suddenly, but not the way you imagined it would. Your eyes flew open and that's when you realized he was kissing you. Alastor was  _ kissing  _ you! 

You couldn't move, as you were frozen in fear. After a moment you tried pulling away, but Alastor just held on tighter and followed you. You pulled back so much you both ended up standing. When you tried pulling away again you ended up falling back into your chair. Through all this he never broke the kiss. You were beginning to think he was actually sucking your soul out through your mouth. Alastor eventually pulled away, not before licking your lips and giving you a tiny kiss again. You felt your eye twitching and were frozen in fear and confusion. He was known for luring people in, not in a romantic way though. 

When you finally regained yourself you looked up to see Alastor only a few inches from your face. His smile was small, but no less intimidating. You tried swallowing the lump in your throat, but failed. "Are you...are you trying to make me fall for so it's easier to kill me?" You felt tears in your eyes. He embarrassed you and made you feel stupid. Did he really think just because you knew so much about him you were  _ in love  _ with him? Or even could  _ love  _ him for that matter. 

Alastor raised an eyebrow and squatted down so he could look up at you. "Darling I'm a lot of things, but I would never mess with one's heart." He gently grabbed your chin and raised your head. "I meant nothing by it sweetheart. Kissing is something I'm not particularly fond of. Actually, anything related to it I'm not fond of." He let go of your chin and grabbed your hands and squeezed. "I might've been a monster while I was alive, and even more now, but my dear I would never do something as vile and evil as making one fall in love with me just to kill them."

You looked down and couldn't help but chuckle at that. A demon with morals, how interesting. You looked back up and frowned. "Why...why did you kiss me then?"

"My dear you said you know everything about me and all my moves." He stood back up and looked down at you. "I naturally had to prove you wrong. Like I said, sex doesn't turn me on. Hahaha!"

You couldn't help but laugh at that. He never said that, more implied it. You were happy to learn he was still as funny as you'd read he was while alive. A small smile spread across your lips. When Alastor saw this he laughed. He didn't like you, but he felt bad for kissing you, especially right after you shared what your father did to you. His eye twitched at this and he made a mental note to ask Charlie if your father was dead.

"So you're asexual?" You asked breaking the uncomfortable sudden silence and looking up at him. 

"I'm what?" Alastor asked tilting his head in confusion.

"Asexual. Um, it basically means you have no sexual desires." You tried explaining. "You can still like someone or fall in love with them, but want nothing to do with them sexually."

Alastor stared at you for a moment. "Perhaps I am darling, perhaps I am." Alastor sat back down and started tapping his claws on the table. "Darling I have a few more rules for you."

You rolled your eyes at this. Of course he did. "What are they then?"

"Hmmm, you're a good person." Alastor looked at you and smiled. "I'd bet my house that you're going to Heaven."

" _ My  _ house." 

"Our house." Alastor smiled. "Anyway, as I said sweetheart I'm sure your bond to go to meet that big pearly gate in the sky." Alastor held his hands up for theatrical effects. "Anyhow, some things that'll put you in Hell, no matter what, are if you have sex with, kiss, fall in love with or let a demon possess you."

"You kissed me." 

"Voluntarily darling. If a demon does any of those to you without your permission you're fine." Alastor paused and stared at you realizing the irony of what he said. "I mean you're fine in the since you won't be Hell bond."

You shook your head and laughed a little. "Alright well I'll be sure not to fall in love with you."

"Might want to cover up that tattoo of yours then darling." Alastor said snapping his fingers then sipping on something. 

You looked at him confused. Mostly by where the cup came from. "What...what tattoo? And where did that come from?"

"Darling I'm an overlord in Hell. Do you really think I can't just make things appear with the snap of my fingers?" Alastor rolled his eyes before continuing. "Smile, my dear! You know, you're never fully dressed without one!" He pointed at your left arm. "You have that tattooed on your back shoulder blade. If you know so much about me, like you like to claim, then you'd know that's how I'd end my talk shows."

"I didn't get it because I'm in love with you. Narcissist much?" You moved your hand to your shoulder. 

"Why did you get it then deary?" 

"Because you always sounded so positive in your broadcasts. Like nothing weighed you down." You felt your eyes get teary. "I did my report on you when I was fourteen. Right after all the beatings and rape stopped." You wiped your tears away. "When I read the quote, and the theory on why you said it, I thought it was a joke, but after I heard your broadcasts I realized it wasn't." You looked up at Alastor. "It's stupid but it meant a lot. When I turned sixteen my grandma let me get it because I tried living every day with a smile no matter what happened. Wait, how'd you even know about that?"

Alastor smiled at this and patted your hand. "Remember when I tried stabbing you? Well you fell on your face and I noticed it then."

"Why'd you try killing me anyway?" You asked tilting your head. 

You were so full of questions and it amused him. "Well I figured you died of shock, then I figured if someone found you then it'd be better if it looked like you killed yourself." Alastor explained with a coy smile. "I mean this is a house where people were murdered."

"Well, I don't think anyone would be too surprised if I did kill myself." You sighed and placed your chin in your hand. "Especially with everything that has happened to me." 

Alastor's smile dropped a little, you were truly a broken person with a pure soul. From what he's learned of you, and from what he's watched of you in secret the last few weeks, you were genuinely a good person. However, with a past like yours it wouldn't be surprising if you finally snapped one day and did something that could send you straight to Hell. The thought of you ending up in Hell made Alastor strangely upset. Hell was full of truly awful creatures that would take advantage of a good soul like you. In the deepest part of his mind he swore that day he'd make certain when your demise came you'd go to Heaven, even if it meant breaking a few eggs. 

Almost as if you could read his mind you spoke up again. "I have new rules for you as well." Alastor looked up and smiled, for now he'd play along. "You aren't allowed to kill or hurt anyone so long as I'm here." You said with as much confidence you could muster. "Also I'm getting a cat and if you hurt it I'll burn this house down." Your voice became very quiet at the threat. 

Alastor smiled and nodded his head. "Fine my dear." He snapped and made two knives appear on the table. He picked one of them up and slit his right hand and extended it, you stared in utter confusion. "My dear I'm swearing I won't kill or harm any other humans, purposely, while you're alive." He picked his words wisely. "Unless of course they deserve it." You went to grab his hand but he pulled it back. "Blood oath darling. You have to be bleeding too."

You looked at the other knife and gulped. This was just stupid, beyond stupid. Who  _ willing _ makes a  _ blood oath  _ with a  _ demon?  _ Apparently you do because you picked the other knife up and slit your right hand as well. You extended it slowly and yelped when he wrapped his hand around yours and squeezed tightly. "So it's a deal then?" A wicked smile spread across his lips. All you could do was nod your head and stutter a low 'yes.' Suddenly your hands started to glow green and you heard static around you. However, as fast as it appeared it vanished just as quickly. Once again you gulped and looked up at Alastor. He had an evil and wicked smile on his face and an evil chuckle left him as he stood. 

"My dear you've made two deals with a demon now." Alastor looked down at you. "I wonder what more you'd do for a poor sinner's soul?" 

You gulped. Did you just somehow sell your soul to him? "Um…" Is all you could mumble. 

Once again he laughed. You suddenly felt immensely uncomfortable, especially when he leaned down so you were face-to-face with him. Alastor's smile grew and he tilted his head as he watched you. "Sweetheart, do not  _ ever _ touch me again. Also, if you get a cat, it had better be black." With that Alastor stood and walked out of the kitchen. You sat there for a moment and jumped slightly when you heard a whooshing noise. 

At the noise the strange trance you found yourself in was broken. You shook your head, when did you touch him? Did he mean the handshake? Because he initiated it! You brushed the comment off and reached for your computer. As you opened it and powered it up you noticed the two knives had disappeared and your hand was no longer bleeding, however there was a small scar where you'd cut it. You frowned at that and had a feeling that scar was never going away. When you heard the annoying noise your laptop made when it was on you smiled slightly. You began to look on shelters websites for any black cats up for adoption. A frown graced your lips at just  _ how  _ many black cats there were. 

"He said I could get a cat if it was balck," you mumbled to yourself with a mischievous smile, "he never put a limit on the number." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I know I kinda skipped explaining a few parts (like the school and him saying he's getting reader back for touching his nose) but I swear it's gonna be brought up more in later chapters. Also, I'm so sorry for the awful backstory. It's horrible, I know, but it's needed for where this is going. 
> 
> I've also ever known one asexual person and she had boyfriends so I'm not gonna lie I looked up what exactly asexuality was. I'm so, so, so, so sorry if I got anything wrong. If I did please let me know. I do NOT want to write something incorrectly. 
> 
> Also, y'all convinced me the reader needs to get like 10 cats to annoy Alastor and, spoiler alert, reader is gonna get like 10 freaking cats.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> NOT AN ACTUAL CHAPTER! PLEASE READ NOTES!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys so just wanted to give everyone a little update on the story! So when I posted the last chapter I was going to go one way with it (spoiler) reader was gonna get cancer and Alastor and reader were gonna deal with that. However, right after the last chapter my Uncle's cancer actually got pretty bad and I decided to change the story entirely. Well I've trying to write it a different way, but it's been hard because I knew exactly what and how it was gonna play out the other way. Well I decided to just go the cancer way, but my uncle just passed a week ago and I can't go that way. So now I'm a little, not scared, but not enthusiastic about writing this. I will finish it, I do promise that! I got rid of a lot of it however, so it's probably gonna take some time, so I do apologize for that. I also apologize for how long this update took. 
> 
> This was going to be a day where reader was feeling really sick (before she found out she had cancer) but I rewrote it instead of deleting it because I thought this would be funny. Thought a little funny update might be needed in these times. Hope you guys enjoy! Next chapter will be back on track. I promise!
> 
> As always sorry for any/all grammar or spelling mistakes!
> 
> Hope you're all safe and healthy!
> 
> Also, I've read all your comments and I appreciate and love them all so much! I'm so sorry I haven't replied, I feel so awful.

"Darling what are you eating?"

You looked up and then behind you from where you were perched under your blanket on the couch. Alastor was standing in the doorway to the living room staring at you. When you didn't respond, because of the food in your mouth, Alastor decided to walk around and sit on the couch next to you. He had to push Bambi over so he could sit and watch you with a raised eyebrow. Bambi hissed and jumped from the couch and ran under it. 

You had a blanket over your head and were wearing that shirt you wore when you first met. You also had sweatpants on, something Alastor made clear he utterly despised, yet you wore them anyway. He raised an eyebrow at you once more when he noticed the strange substance in the bowl you were eating from. 

"What is that disgusting substance you're putting in your body?" Alastor asked once again, he felt like he was talking to Angel Dust.

"It's macaroni and cheese." You answered shoving more in your mouth. "Want some?"

Alastor's smile became very strained and his eye twitched. You held your bowl out to him and smiled. When he didn't accept it you shrugged and pulled it back to your chest so you could eat more. He watched you for a moment more before asking you another question.

"What is it exactly?"

You looked at him confused. "It's noodles and cheese." It sounded more like a question than an answer. 

" _ That  _ abomination is not noodles and cheese." Alastor basically hissed that out. "That is disgusting and disturbing."

You couldn't help but laugh at this. Alastor, an overlord of Hell, a renowned serial killer, his very name just being whispered in the streets of New Orleans or Hell sparked fear in the listener, was throwing a fit over  _ mac and cheese.  _ When you started to calm down from your laughing fit you looked back at him. He had what you assumed was his version of a frown on his face. There was just a little smile, his eyes were half open, and he looked mad. Was it because you were laughing at him?

"Deary what are you laughing at?"

"You!" You took a deep breath to control your laughing. "You're a renowned killer, both here and in Hell, yet you're  _ upset  _ about mac and cheese!" You started to laugh again. 

Alastor watched you with amusement. He really didn't understand why he didn't just kill you and hide your little body outside. Something about you made him decide against this idea though. Once you finally stopped laughing and wiped the tears that formed away you held the bowl out to him again.

"Try it." You insisted. 

"I refuse. It's vile and disgusting." He closed his eyes and crossed his arms. 

"Have you ever had it?" You asked frowning at him. He was acting like a damn child. 

"No." 

"Then how do you know you won't like it?" You asked. "If you try it I'll leave you alone. Plus, who knows, you might like it."

Alastor sighed and grabbed the bowl from your hand. "My dear I am a sophisticated creature, one of class and refined taste. What you have given me," he motioned to the bowl, "will do nothing for me."

You rolled your eyes at him as he picked the fork up and, reluctantly, brought it to his mouth. You watched him in amusement as his face went through interesting changes. At first he looked disgusted, then confused and finally delighted. He looked down at the bowl and stared for a moment before shoveling a forkful into his mouth. Once again you started laughing. This 'creature with refined taste' was eating a bowl of macaroni and cheese like it was the greatest thing on earth. To be fair, you thought it was. 

"My dear this is the most disgustingly good thing I've ever tasted." Alastor said setting the bowl in his lap. "My apologies for the insult."

"Well if you like this wait until you try ramen noodles." You chuckled behind your hand. 

"Yes please." Was all you heard before Alastor started this attack on the food in front of him. 

You rolled your eyes in amusement and got off the couch so you could go make a bowl of ramen. As you walked into the kitchen you hummed a tune to yourself, though you weren't sure what it was. You shrugged and began to grab the things you needed so you could make the ramen noodles. Granted it was just a bowl and the packet, you liked to think it was classier than that. As you put the ramen and flavor packet in the bowl you laughed to yourself. You never thought you'd be making ramen for a demon. Bambi at some point wandered in to see what you were doing and you laughed. He was a silly cat that always followed you around, you leaned down to pat his head before continuing on with your task. You filled the bowl with water then walked to the microwave, glancing into the living room as you walked. You raised an eyebrow when you didn't see Alastor. Once again you shrugged. He was probably lurking around as you made the food. When you heard the microwave beeping you quickly took the bowl out and grabbed a fork to stir it. As you let it cool down you walked to your fridge and pulled out a bottle of red wine then walked to your cabinet and grabbed two glasses. You were gonna show Alastor that cheap food could be good food. After you finished pouring the wine you grabbed the bowl and glasses and turned to go back to the living room. 

Once you entered it and walked around the couch a little gasp left your mouth. Alastor was sitting on the couch with his legs crossed and the blanket over his head. He was  _ still  _ eating the mac and cheese and watching the movie you'd put on. You chuckled and walked to reclaim your spot on the couch. Bambi jumped between you both and curled into a ball. Once you had sat down Alastor looked over at you and smiled. You shook your head and handed him the bowl of ramen. 

"Be careful it's-or not okay." You tried warning him it was hot, but he just shoved a forkful in his mouth again. 

His facial features once again went through the same emotions as last time. Ending on delight once more. He looked over at you and chuckled. "Sweetheart you have an odd taste, yet a fascinating one." He shook his head and continued eating the ramen. 

"Taste good with red wine too." You mumbled sipping on your glass. 

"I shall give you these two, but wine? With them?" He chuckled. "Dear, that is a drink for proper food." Without looking away from the TV you held out the second glass you poured towards him. He sighed and took the glass. He rolled his eyes, the taste of ramen and mac and cheese still in his mouth. "Here go my taste buds then." He took a small drink and his eyes went wide. Pulling the glass from his lips he looked over at you in utter shock. "How...how is this possible?"

You stared at him with narrowed eyes and your mouth slightly open. He was acting as if you'd told him terrible news. "Alastor it's just ramen, macaroni and cheese and red wine."

"Darling I know, that's why I'm so shocked." Alastor exclaimed while putting a hand to his cheek. "I'm used to food of a higher quality, yet this is somehow very appetizing. Good job."

"Well thank you?" You smirked at the, you were guessing, compliment. "I taught myself how to make them when I was younger." You looked down at your lap and reached a hand out to pet your now sleeping cat. "My parents didn't cook much so I taught myself how to."

Alastor's smile dropped at this. "Darling have you ever had jambalaya?" When you shook your head Alastor's smile returned. "Would you care if I made you some?"

You choked on your wine at the question. Did Alastor just ask if he could cook for you? "Um, sure?" You replied. 

"Now I usually use different ingredients than a normal person, so the one for you probably won't be as good, but I can still make it if you'd like."

"What kind of...different ingredients?" You asked slowly. There were rumors that Alastor was a cannibal while alive, but no one could prove it or not. 

"Well while I was alive instead of normal meat," he paused and took a sip of his wine, "I used human organs and flesh."

You felt yourself become nauseous at this.

"Alastor, how often did you practice cannibalism?"

Alastor hummed before responding. "You're the expert dear, you tell me your findings."

"Well, many of the bodies that have been found were missing organs and flesh. However, the way they were ripped out suggested an animal ripping them out or tearing the skin." You looked past him as you talked. It oddly helped you focus on what you were saying when you looked past the person. "However, many of the same organs were missing. The conclusion was that it was just a strange coincidence."

"And what do you believe my dear?"

You looked back at Alastor. "I think you practiced it a few times, but overall weren't a fan."

Alastor smiled, you really were very clever. "I practiced it constantly my dear. I was, in every sense of the word, a cannibal."

Once again you felt nauseous and looked back at the TV. The sudden silence made you feel a lot better. You glanced back at Alastor after a few minutes and smiled. The famous killer of New Orleans was sitting snuggled under a blanket on your couch eating cheap food. Even if others knew, and believed, that you saw and talked to Alastor, they'd never believe this. In fact, you weren't entirely sure you believed this was happening. Part of you still believed at times you'd just lost it and were making it up, but nights like this you gave into the madness. It was nice to have someone to talk to and spend time with. You were use to being by yourself, but even you got lonely sometimes. 

"Thank you." You mumbled bringing your glass to your lips. 

"For what my dear?" Alastor asked looking towards you. 

"Not killing me I guess, and for being my friend." You replied looking back at him. 

Alastor blinked a few times then tilted his head. His smile was small, but genuine. "Thank you for taking care of my home and not being scared of me."

You were shocked to hear him say this and hoped he didn't see the blush that appeared on your face. He turned back to the TV and took a sip of his wine. You did the same and grabbed a blanket to wrap around yourself. Leaning back against the couch a small smile graced your lips. Your night was turning out very nice. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed this! If anyone wants/needs to talk my tumblr is https://maaaaarveeeeel.tumblr.com/ (I have two, this is the one I'm on the most) 
> 
> Stay safe and healthy everyone! Love you all!


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